Feeling lonely for no reason sucks.

As it says. And when I feel lonely, I eat. Despite my attempts to resist, I'm stuffing my face with Cap'n Crunch as I write this.


I hate myself sometimes. I'm trying to keep track of what I'm feeling when I get the urge to eat when I'm not hungry for my therapist. I really hope she can help me deal with this. :c I may get on Gaia and seek out roleplay to keep myself preoccupied.

Whirlwind

I think life is catching me up in a whirlwind with this new job. I work crazy/weird hours, but the pay is decent at least. I look forward to reaping the benefits of forty hours a week with people who really need someone to help guide them. :) I look forward to being able to actually SAVE money, and being able to buy the things I need/want with the money I've earned. Like, my laptop is going nuts on me some days and the sound won't work right, so I'm going to save up for a new laptop...or maybe one of those all-in-one iMacs for my room.


I've been feeling pretty good, and the visits to the counselor have been helping. She's helped me to learn how to deal with my dad, and right now, she's helping me to learn how to deal with the feelings that cause me to overeat. She asked me to write down what feelings it was that made me want to eat so much. Well, I think I can sum it up:


1.) I feel lonely, so I eat. I don't have a lot of RL friends to go and do things with, so I can get to feeling pretty lonely at times. I'm going to work on this by maybe asking one of my cousins to hang out more often. I know he likes movies, so that's an idea. He has a job, too, so he can pay for himself.


2.) I feel bored. Sometimes when I get everything done, I get really bored, so I eat to occupy myself. I can work on this by doing other things, like reading my favorite book again, drawing, or playing my favorite video game.


3.) I feel worthless/hopeless. I haven't felt like this for a while - thank God - but there's always a possibility that it could crop up again. When it comes, I just need to remind myself that I am NOT worthless/hopeless, and that I mean something to somebody.


4.) I feel sad/frustrated. Sometimes things happen, and I feel sad or frustrated. Eating is a form of stress relief, so I grab a candy bar or a pop and I eat until I can't eat anymore.


If I think of anymore, I'll make another post. Til then, I need to pack my lunch for work~! Arrivederci!!


-Silvner

Chiisaicon

{I think I spelled it right.}


This is going to be my first anime con ever, and I'm really excited about going to it! c: It's absolutely free, so all I really need is a hotel room so I don't burn up a lot of gas doing the forty minute drive down there on the two days I'll be going.  I haven't told my parents yet - so they'll probably not be inclined to let me go, but they're not going to get much say in the matter. I'm going to spend my birthday weekend doing something I love - geeking out over anime and manga! Besides, this will be a chance to get away from the family for a couple of days, and I'll really enjoy that. The hotel I'm looking at booking has high speed Internet, so I don't have to be disconnected while I'm down there, and I could Skype my parents if they wanted, to let them know I'm alright.


Vic Mignogna is going to be one of the guests at Chiisaicon, and I'm really hoping to be able to meet him! As a newbie Risembool Ranger (member of his fanclub), I think it would be really cool. I'd like to get him to sign my copy of the Conqueror of Shamballa, and get a picture with him to put up on my new FB. c:


I'm planning on getting a camera to take with me, so I can get pictures of any good cosplay I see. It would be really cool if there was a Seto Kaiba one, because my FB username is setokaibasbriefcase. xD Lol.


As far as cosplay is concerned, I will not be cosplaying, but I have a couple of ideas floating in my head that I would like to do. One of them is Karasu from YYH. He's the first one I'd like to work on. Joann Fabrics sells a pleather material that I think would be GREAT for his coat, and if I save up the money, I can afford to buy enough of it to make my coat. They offer a pattern you can buy online that gives you the patterns you need for a trenchcoat, but I think I could figure it out. Also, they sell a silky red material I'd love to use for the lining. As far as his mask is concerned, Tractor Supply Company sells a set of two masks for 4.99 that have the same shape as his. I'm going to use them as a base, and create my own mask.


Also, I would kill to cosplay Sebastian, from Kuroshitsuji. He's so cool! And Seto Kaiba is on my wishlist as well...along with like, Vincent Valentine from FFVII! Yes, my wishlist consists of guy characters, but that's because I feel that I'm too tall to pull off a decent anime/manga/game female. xD


Anyway, I'm going to go out and fill my car's gas tank up. Woot. It's resting on empty, and the light is on. But I can't fill it all of the way - I can't afford it. So I'm filling it up partially, and then saving the rest of the money for the con. My dad - who demanded that I give him my whole paycheck and then he'd give me an allowance - won't like it, but he'll never know that I didn't spend the whole thing on gas!


Til next time,
Silvner

Today, so far...

So far, today has been good. I submitted the FAFSA with just my information on it, for an unsubsidized Stafford Loan, and will be looking into getting it as soon as possible. I am looking at apartments, and trying to see what I might do. I found one I really like, and am going to try to see if I can get the loan for enough to help with the cost of rent as well. I'm going to be applying for work study, though without any parental information, I doubt that I'm eligible. :/


When I go to move out, I'll probably ask my cousin if he and one of his friends will help me move out, because I can't lift some things on my own.


I will feel so much better when I'm free.

Don't Jump

Today started out GREAT. The sun was out, and I decided to go to the pool. So I changed into my swimsuit, and swung by the store to pick up some sunscreen, so I wouldn't burn. I went to the pool for a couple of hours and had a blast, just soaking up some sun and swimming in the pool. I made sure to feed Molly before I left, hoping that would make Dad happy and he could enjoy his lunch in peace.


After a couple of hours, I was getting really hungry, so I decided to come home and call it a day. I listened to some of my favorite songs in the car, and my day was absolutely perfect. This should have honestly been my first warning sign.


When I got home, Dad had just come back from a walk he'd taken on his break. I went upstairs and hung up my towel, and headed downstairs to grab a quick bite. Well, as I was perusing the options in the fridge, he came out. He hates when I keep the fridge door open for longer than a few seconds, so I shut it. That's when the bomb dropped on me.


He starts yelling at me for not working more hours, and for not getting up at 7 that morning to go out and find another job. He then gets on me, claiming that I mistreat my mother badly, and I admit we've had a couple of disagreements, but I never raised my voice to her like he said I did, or yell at her. He then PUTS ME IN A FREAKING HEADLOCK, which HURTS, and claims I'm only nice when I want something from her, and I need to stop hanging off of her like a twelve year old in public, because I'm an ADULT. He lets me go, but my neck takes a few minutes to adjust.


By this point, I'm terrified because he's yelling and cussing at me, and I start to cry. He then calls me a crybaby, and tells me to grow up. I admit that I wished him dead at that point. I wished that God would just strike him down...and me as well.


I can't take more of this crap. He gets off of work in thirty minutes, and I don't know how much more I can handle.


I wish someone would just save me. I am still crying, and praying that God would save me. I wish I could call the police and report a domestic dispute, but my dad was on the force and they'd never believe me.


Also, my dad wants me to account for every penny I earn, and give it to him. He says he will give me an allowance, and then he'll take the money to repay my mom for a few things I owe her for (I barely make enough to pay my gas and Kohl's bill, let alone pay someone back money I owe!)


I just keep telling myself 'don't jump', because I feel so close to the edge. I wish God would just take me now, and save me the pain of living with these ungodly, wicked people.

Today...ugh.

Well, today has been...interesting, to say the least. All I'm going to say is that I'm glad it's almost over. :/


Now if my friend would get back on, everything would be awesome...or at least, maybe I could forget about my day or something. >.<


-Silvner

WOW I FAIL AT BLOGGING.

It's been...like...three months since I've updated, ja? Well, here I am! And, uh, yeah. School's out, and I'm currently just working. The pools open next week, and I'm excited about that! :D I love water. I love to swim.


I have to work tonight. Boooo. But I guess if I wants teh moolahs to go to the pool, or even buy gas, I should really be happier about working...


Also, am in love with the band Vampires Everywhere! Each member of the band is gorgeous. *_*;


Anyway, I'm off to go kick my PC for not playing Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines without crashing. >_< I WANNA PLAY AS A VAMPIRE. *cries* xD


-Silvner

Well...so far, so good? *ducks*

Well, I went to school today. Nothing eventful, just learning about new stuff in Networking...I really need to read chapter five tomorrow, so I can get the hang of it more...

Got my test back from Economics, and I got an 81%...but the teacher told us one of the answers wrong, I think, so I may get credit for that one. Either way, a B isn't bad at ALL, and way better than how I felt I'd done on the test. We don't have class Friday (yay!) because the teacher is going to Indy. More time to go over the next chapter, the better! It's covering supply and demand, and all of the related goodies.

I came home to plug my laptop in at my computer desk, and tripped over the power cord. I stumbled almost to the doorway before I fell, and was rather aggravated because the stupid plants near my desk keep me from being able to get to the power outlet very well. :/ I moved the plants. My mom probably won't like it, but all I did was move it closer to the window, so I have a little more space to get back there. What gets me is the fact that the power cord was laying flat on the floor...and I STILL tripped over it!! I know it was the power cord that I tripped over because it unplugged it from the wall outlet partially.

But now, hopefully, I can log on and play some WoW in peace, without any interruptions. I fed the dog her lunch, and hopefully Dad will leave me alone when he comes in. *crosses fingers* On Friday, I call the woman back at the Bennett House, and hopefully she can hire me right away!! I need the money badly. I'm sick of being indebted to my parents. :/

Salut!

Silvner

Wow! What a day! :D

So I went to lunch today, with my bestie Danielle. :D After lunch, she surprised me with a pedicure at Diva's Salon and Spa, and then we hung out at my house for a couple of hours, before popping over to Clarksville to see the movie the Green Hornet. I had been dying to see this movie, so I was VERY happy. :D Then we went for dinner at the Olive Garden, and I came home.


I had a great time, and I hope we get to hang out again soon!! :) I'm getting ready for bed, and am then going to sit and watch Howl's Moving Castle...the urge to see it bit me all of a sudden. xD


Salut!
Silvner

So, I hit level 85...(+A Yummy Recipe :D)

Today has been pretty uneventful so far. I went to school, had classes...my first class is earlier in the morning, and then I have an hour or so before my next class. So I went into the library between classes, and began doing some quests in Northrend, one of my favorite places in Azeroth. I soloed a bunch of 5-man quests, felt like a god, and it wasn't long before I hit 85, which is the level cap for the current expansion of Cataclysm. Cataclysm has been out for almost three months, but this is my first time hitting a level cap before the next expansion. xD I started playing when Burning Crusade had practically just come out, and the level cap then was 70. I think my Druid made it to 57 before Wrath came out. When Wrath came out, I ditched the Druid for a Death Knight, and leveled her up to 80 right before Cataclysm came out. Now, she's finally 85. My Druid is 60 now, since I've been working on leveling her on and off for a while now, mostly through BGs and dungeons. I'd really like to gear my Death Knight up in Heroics blues, and then start working on leveling my Druid to the level cap. After that, I still have a Warlock, Paladin, and a Worgen Priest I recently rolled, to work on leveling. My favorite Warlock is currently at level 28, and I would love to have her at 85. When she dings 50, I'm planning on sending her to my main server of Coilfang, so I have a good Warlock to add to my level 15 guild. My Paladin is only level 18, but she's quickly become my PVP choice, due to the fact it takes THREE Alliance players to bring her down. (I'm a Horde player through and through, and only my Druid and Priest are Allies.)


I'm thinking of dedicating some of my posts to covering content that other players have trouble with, even though no one really reads this blog...yet. :p Maybe on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I'll dedicated my posts to covering difficult quests in Azeroth - some of the new quests, and some from the old world that I'm particularly fond of. Mondays could be where I cover some of my favorite recipes (that you can totally snack on while gaming if you do that), and go over some particular topics in the world today. I don't know, really. I'm a little afraid to set myself up for a set schedule, mostly due to a fear of failing to adhere to it. I'll sit back and ponder over it.


But I do have a recipe I really love, and I made it last week for dinner. :) My family really loved it. You need a decent sized baking dish for this. I'm not a technical person, I don't know what size the one I used was, so use your best judgement. :D


Chicken and Rice, the Yummy Way:


Needed:
4, decently-sized, chicken breasts
2 small cans of Cream of Chicken Soup
1 cup of uncooked rice
2 cups of water
Seasonings (recommended): All-Purpose Greek Seasoning, Salt, & Pepper.


Instructions:
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees Farenheit. Mix the rice, water, & soup together first. Add the chicken breasts, arranging them so they'll cook well. (I personally spaced them out about an inch in the pan.) Bring out your seasonings next. Note: If you do not season them, they will be a little bland. My dad (who is hard to please) liked the particular seasonings I mentioned, though you are free to pick your own. Do NOT be afraid of putting too much on! I seasoned one side of the chicken thoroughly, and flipped them over to get the other side. I put the seasonings in the rice as well, stirring it all together. When you are satisfied, pop into your preheated oven and let it cook for two hours, or until done. If you're unsure, check the temperature with a meat thermometer.


Tomorrow, I'll give you the recipe for my Cornish game hens. ;) They were a big hit with my family, and I'm sure yours would love them as well.


I have to be at work at 2:15, so this concludes my post for now. When I get off, I might make one about the fried potatoes I made that my parents really liked.


Salut!
Silvner


P.S. Topic of thought about the world issues: If the government were allowed to tap into the natural oil reserves in Alaska, do you think the price of oil would decrease dramatically? How would that affect the price of gas? Just some little things to get you thinking. ;)

First post intros are sooo ten years ago!

Everyone else that I know has a blog, pretty much. I used to have one over on LJ, but then LJ just became "uncool". So here I go again, following a trend and starting a blog over here. Though it's much easier to get one on here than it was on LJ "in the day". To get an LJ (that's "LiveJournal", for you uninformed folks :p), one had to have a friend with one. Each account was given a certain number of keys that they could hand out to their friends, to let them sign up. I begged my friend to give me one, and she finally relented. About a month or so after I started a blog there, LJ got rid of the prerequisite of having a code, and all hell broke loose as EVERYONE was allowed onto LJ. So after a while, I quit posting there and stopped blogging pretty much entirely.

Well, until now. :) Watch out, Internet, here I come! This blog will pretty much be about whatever crosses my mind, and you have been warned - I can get PRETTY random.

So...for my first topic, I'll try not to scare you too much and just dream about the future. Right now, I'm attending classes at Ivytech, and have really been thinking about the future lately. I've decided to either go into video game design or programming, and have started working towards making that dream come true. I lurk on the FragDolls forum (talathedrood), and have begun to make what connections I can. :)

I want to go into the video game industry because I really enjoy video games, and would enjoy learning more of the technical aspect of them. My favorite games include: Harvest Moon, Devil May Cry, Soul Caliber, World of Warcraft, the Sims, and Final Fantasy VII: Dirge of Cerberus. Harvest Moon has always been my top pick, because while it is a farming RPG (roleplaying game for the uninitiated), it offers a lot of fun in-game events and I never find it boring.

Notice that I put World of Warcraft. Oh yes, I play THAT - the game that is always misconstrued as a soul-sucking tool of the devil. In reality, it's not that bad. And as one of my favorite YouTubers says, "It's IMPOSSIBLE for it to be truly addictive". I play maybe 8-10 hours a week, depending on how much free time I have. My top four most-played characters are: Talathea (a level 84 Blood Elf Death Knight), Talathea (a level 60 Night Elf Druid), Elunari (a level 21 Blood Elf Warlock), and Trynia (a level 18 Blood Elf Paladin). As you can tell, I like the Blood Elves. Most of these characters on the server Coilfang, with the exception of my Druid, who is on the Cairne server. I try to be helpful, so if you find your low-level character struggling, don't hesitate to ask for my aid. :)

Another game that I've been thinking of getting, once my computer is up to the technical specs of the game, is DC Universe Online. Two of my favorite YouTubers have given positive reviews about the game, and it looks pretty cool. You can play as either a hero, or a villain. >:) I have my villain all planned out already. xD

Well, I'm for now...whether to go save the world of Final Fantasy or to save Azeroth, the world may never know. :p